His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
