he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
