bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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