i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
