i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
