so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
