Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
They are going to name an STD after you.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
