How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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