You work out of a Hotel?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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