I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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