sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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