I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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