she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
