I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
