How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What drink are we having for lunch?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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