at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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