she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
