Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
