try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
