so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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