At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
