i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
