If i come over, it means nothing
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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