i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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