would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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