The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
