I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
