if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
