He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
