i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
