You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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