Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
