Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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