when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
