Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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