Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
