he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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