worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
