her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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