i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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