see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
