You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
