I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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