winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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