omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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