you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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