Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
two words...techno handjob
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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