She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
