Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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