grandma shit on top of the toilet
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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