i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i now understand why vodka
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
