does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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