I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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