you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
